Attention, Walmart shoppers: Your president is a dangerous jackass
A hard rain's a-gonna fall on the birthday boy's big military parade
By Sam Bellamy
The thought of protesters raining dissent on the birthday boy’s military parade Saturday evening certainly warms the heart, but it’s probably best that the organizers of the nationwide No Kings protests are urging participants to steer clear of Washington D.C.
The strong military presence in D.C. this weekend and Trump’s newly indulged delight in sending troops to Los Angeles creates too great a risk of a violent backlash.
Earlier this week, Trump threatened to shut down anyone who tries to spoil his day. "If there’s any protester that wants to come out, they will be met with very big force," he said. "I haven’t even heard about a protest, but you know, this is people that hate our country, but they will be met with very heavy force."
There may be no need for that metaphorical rain to ruin the orange one’s day. The DOGE-chewed National Weather Service has forecast a 70% chance of rain during the 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. parade, with a thunderstorm possible. (Think he’ll take cover during the lightning or reprise that stare-at-the-eclipse show of common sense we witnessed in his first term?)
By the time he settles in for his soggy spectacle, he’ll have had an opportunity to watch Fox News coverage of the 2,000 or so No Kings protests that will take place throughout the day. Despite his contempt for “fake news” networks, you know he’ll also turn to CNN and the others to see what really happened. He won’t be happy, and that also warms the heart.
At this writing, the Republican governors of two states – Texas and Missouri – have activated National Guard troops and rallied state police as a “precaution” (wink, wink) against Saturday’s protests getting out of control. The inimical Trump mimic Ron DeSantis also told Floridians this week that it’s totally cool if they feel the need to run over protestors with their vehicles.
Also this week, Trump was asked about the protests and, after feigning ignorance about the No Kings name, replied that he doesn’t feel like a king because he’s had to work so, so hard to get anything approved. This is especially harrowing, apparently, because it involves the unpleasantness of asking House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John Thune for help.
Never mind that most of what Trump has “accomplished” since Jan. 20 has been through a mad flurry of executive orders, many of them unconstitutional and far exceeding a president’s authority. He even brought some of the nation’s largest law firms to heel, though they should’ve had the good sense to fight him in court like their smarter and more principled colleagues, who are steadily trouncing him in court.
The sycophantic firms are now paying a price beyond the nearly $1 billion of free work they’ve pledged to malevolent buffoon’s causes; they’re losing some of their top lawyers, and The Wall Street Journal recently reported that deep-pocketed clients are also moving on, preferring representation that doesn’t curl up in the fetal position when things get tough.
“No, no. We’re not a king,” Trump insisted to reporters. “We’re not a king at all, thank you very much.”
Nice touch, that royal We.
An amusing sidelight to all of this is the call for MAGA throngs to boycott what is presumably their favorite place on God’s still-sorta-green Earth, Walmart.
A boycott is necessary, according to Trump leading lights like Roger Stone and Kari Lake, because Walmart heiress Christy Walton recently took out a full-page ad in The New York Times and other newspapers encouraging Americans to take part in the No Kings protests.
"We are a people of principle and honor. We honor our commitments and stand by our allies. We defend against aggression by dictators. We uphold and defend the Constitution," the ad reads in part.
Trump’s name wasn’t mentioned, but his whip-smart team done figured out who she meant.
"Great, a left-wing billionaire feels like burning some of her inheritance for a PR stunt,” a White House spokesperson told Fox News. “It’s not going to change the fact that over 77 million Americans voted for mass deportations, border security, and America First trade policies — a mandate that the Trump administration is committed to using every lever of executive power to deliver on.”
Even if you accept the claim that all of his supporters want all of those things – a contention undermined by opinion polls in recent months – let’s note for the hell of it that over 75 million Americans also voted against Trump and his policies. (Look at the No Kings map, and you’ll readily spot them. As Joyce Vance, a former U.S. attorney, notes, the map is also a convincing argument for getting rid of the Electoral College.)
Walmart officials quickly distanced themselves from Walton’s ad, declaring, “The advertisements from Christy Walton are in no way connected to or endorsed by Walmart. She does not serve on the board or play any role in decision making at Walmart.”
Facts, of course, are irrelevant to Trumpers. Kari Lake, whose servility to Trump was rewarded with an appointment to lead the Voice of America he’s eliminating, claims the ad is revenge against the president for telling Walmart to “EAT THE TARIFFS” rather than raise prices.
Trump groupie Roger Stone, whose intelligence is evident in his decision to sport a massive tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, is among MAGA fanatics calling for a boycott of Walmart.
“The Walmart Heiress subsidizes insurrection,” Stone posted on X. “Next up peaceful protest outside all of their stores to encourage people not to shop there. Essentially what left-wing stooges did to Tesla. Let’s go.”
Those “left-wing stooges” will steal a lot of Trump’s birthday joy Saturday.
It’s very unlikely Trump will reverse any polices because of the show of opposition, but a big turnout will help build a coalition against MAGA in next year’s midterms and perhaps prompt a few Republicans in swing districts to reconsider their quisling ways before then.
And, between the protests and Chicago’s citywide celebration of homeboy Pope Leo (featuring a mass delivered by him from Rome), plenty of rain will fall on the buffoon’s parade.
Go in peace. And give him hell.