Forget Ozempic. A Trump Cabinet meeting will curb your appetite

Wednesday's gathering was another lickspittle spectacle staged for his enjoyment

By Sam Bellamy

Forget Ozempic. For weight loss, America’s physicians should prescribe a monthly dose of a Trump Cabinet meeting – watch just 15 minutes, and you’ll want to skip your next meal and probably the one after that.

Wednesday’s televised meeting of the president’s brain trust was a case in point. The session, a celebration of his first 100 days back in the Oval Office, opened with Trump declaring that “things are happening that are amazing, and I would not say it if it weren’t fact.”

This set the appropriate tone for next two-plus hours of outlandish lies and cardio workouts for the butt-kissing attendees.

Obsequiousness has been the hallmark of Trump’s Cabinet sessions since his first term, when Mike Pence – long before MAGA followers tried to hunt him down and hang him – would gaze misty-eyed at the president and declare his undying devotion. At one early Cabinet meeting, a Washington Post reporter counted Pence praising Trump every 12 seconds for three solid minutes.

As is the custom, Wednesday’s session featured the collected secretaries of major government departments taking turns heaping rapturous praise upon their boss.

Trump, not known for a robust attention span, appeared to listen intently, occasionally nodding and tilting his head as if hearing a heavenly choir. It must take a lot out of him to spend two hours approximating a pensive and humble demeanor.

“Thank you. Thank you very much,” Trump typically says in Presleyian fashion at the close of each soliloquy, whereupon the secretary in the spotlight slowly emits a sigh of relief, apparently granted a reprieve for making a suitable offering to the god.

Just after the 47-minute mark in the video below, you’ll see Vice President JD Vance continue in Pence’s footsteps but with an edgier, more combative style than his predecessor.

Vance is the bully apprentice, servile but ever ready to taunt and chest-bump the chosen enemy in service of the big guy. This has been the vice president’s role since the pre-scripted smackdown with Ukrainian President Vlodomyr Zelensky in the Oval Office in late February.

On Wednesday, Vance went after one of his favorite targets, chiding the media for not paying enough attention to the administration’s military recruitment efforts and repeating the lie that recent gains are solely the result of chatty Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s work.

“Why is that the press is so focused on the fake BS rather than what’s really going on in the country?” Vance demanded, referring to the media’s attention to the unlawful deportation of a Maryland man to a Salvadoran prison on flimsy allegations he’s a member of the MS-13 gang.

At another point, Vance seethed, “The reason the media attacks this administration as chaotic is because the president is solving the problems that the American people set about to solve. He’s actually doing the things he promised to do.”

This, he informs us, is a stark contrast to Trump’s predecessors, many of whom were “placeholders” – presidents who were not men of action like his boss.

Others in the room were equally effusive with their praise. Interior Secretary Doug Burgum told Trump “you’re not just courageous, you’re actually fearless.”

“Great” was the go-to adjective for many speakers. “You probably assembled the greatest Cabinet ever,” Burgum said. “I think this could be the greatest administration since the founding of the country,” Elon Musk added.

But no one could surpass Attorney General Pam Bondi, who stooped to Pence-level groveling with seeming effortlessness.

Her soliloquy is immediately after Vance’s. “Mr. President,” she began, “your first 100 days have far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it.”

Yet, she lamented, there are ungrateful people in our country who have the nerve to go after this great man with 200 civil lawsuits and 50 judicial injunctions. You know, thee people insisting on nonsense like “due process” and whatnot.

To prove to her point, Bondi rattled off totals for drug and weapons seizures in the first 100 days, attributing all to the brilliance and leadership of Donald Trump. (Couldn’t possibly be the results of investigations started, say, last year.)

Of particular note, Bondi said the administration has taken more than 22 million fentanyl pills off the street, saving – “get ready for this, media!” – 258 million lives.

That’s a rather remarkable feat, considering the population of the United States is about 340 million.

If my calculations are correct, that would mean three-fourths of the Cabinet might well be hooked on fentanyl. While this would explain a lot, particularly in RFK Jr.’s case, something tells me Bondi’s math – as well as her grasp of the law – is a little suspect. (On Tuesday, she had claimed the fentanyl seizures had saved 119 million lives.)

Not all Americans are impressed by these displays of groveling.

Even conservative commentator Anne Coulter finds it all a bit nauseating. “Would it be possible to have a cabinet meeting without the Kim Jong Il-style tributes?” she asked.

The first Cabinet meeting was called by George Washington, who found it a useful way to solicit ideas from his advisors and bring them together to collaborate on where the young country should head.

Although our first president had successfully led the Continental Army in seizing airports from the British during the Revolutionary War, as Trump reminded us on the Fourth of July in 2019, Washington didn’t have the foresight to televise his Cabinet meetings.

The Father of Our Country, like all the other placeholders after him, failed to see the opportunity that – all hail – Trump readily recognized,

As the attorney general says, our stable genius is the best ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it.