Orange you glad he's in charge?

Trump's detractors say his signature creamsicle visage grows more grotesque by the day

By Sam Bellamy

I look forward to the day when Robert F. Kennedy Jr. finishes raving about chemtrails and swimming in shit with his grandchildren and turns his attention to the safety of the orange glop that’s applied generously and with great frequency to Donald Trump’s face.

The president’s skin color has been the subject of mockery since well before his first term, of course. It’s one of his many idiot-syncrasies that we find repulsive but that somehow escapes the notice of his admiring MAGA hordes.

I’ve long puzzled over the popularity of a fellow who, back in the day, wouldn’t have won a middle-school student council election with that ridiculous creamsicle look or, for that matter, survived a walk down the hallway without being taunted to tears.

What sane person goes out in public with huge, bright half-moons under his eyes and an orange tint that falls well short of his ears, clashing sharply with the ghostly white around his hairline? You’re going to trust the Homecoming fund to a guy like that?

Yes, there are certainly more important topics to address than the president’s all-consuming vanity.

But it’s relevant in so many ways, including his abysmal judgment and his susceptibility to the flattery of dictators. Had he the opportunity to meet Genghis Khan and absorb the ruthless warrior’s praise for the newly gilded Oval Office, he and JD Vance and even Stephen Miller would have waved the Mongol horde through the gates. (Which, I guess, they sorta did. Twice.)

Besides, it’s fun. Mocking a bully serves the public good.

RFK Jr., who is believed to use bronze tanner himself, might want to investigate the chemical composition of his boss’s glow. Trump has blamed energy-efficient light bulbs for his orange tinge, but those weren’t commonly used until well after he cultivated his Mango Mussolini persona. Some people who’ve worked for Trump say he developed the look during his years on NBC’s The Apprentice.

Last month, Trump’s supporters claimed, without evidence, that CNN uses a special filter to make their hero look more orange than he really is. His detractors, meanwhile, have posted on social media that he appears to be growing even more orange, most notably when he wore his spiffy blue suit to the funeral of the Pope Francis.

During Trump’s first term, an undocumented immigrant from Guatemala who worked as a housekeeper at Trump’s Bedminster golf club in New Jersey for five years told The New York Times that her old boss could be generous and kind on occasion but once flew into a rage over stubborn makeup stains he’d expected her to get out of one of his golf shirts.

Oliver Mayer, the associate dean of faculty at the USC School of Dramatic Arts, told Huffington Post last fall that Trump’s sprayed-on tan, which has been adopted others in his inner circle, is all part of a shtick intended to send a message.

Their skin-choice color, she said “is a kind of gang color or tattoo representing their class, wealth and leisure,” he said. “It’s all a show.”

My favorite take of late on Trump’s distinctive look – ever seen another human quite like that? – comes from someone who identifies himself or herself as Tokyo Sexwhale on Bluesky. (An appropriate foil for our stable genius, I’d say.) I don’t know if Mr. or Mrs. Sexwhale create the image and caption below or was simply sharing it, but either way … bravo.

And then there’s the delightful exchange a high school student had recently with Rep. Brian Jack, a Republican, in the video clip below

The student asks why Trump is so orange.

Congressman Jack doesn’t quite know how to respond.

“Uh, that's, you know what, it's, it's, it's your perspective,” he sputters. “It isn't certainly mine. I just think he has a great tan.”