Pope Pizzaballa, anyone?
As MAGA complains about the 'woke' Pope Francis, let's hope for another papal nightmare for Trump
By Sam Bellamy
You don’t have to be Catholic or especially religious to recognize that Pope Francis was a man of great compassion. After all, who among us would have agreed to see JD Vance on one of our last days on Earth? I’d certainly rather make an early exit than endure even a few minutes getting lectured by that unctuous faux hillbilly.
Vance’s brief visit with the pope on Easter Sunday has been the subject of much speculation, given what happened the next day.
You don’t have to travel far on social media to find jokes – and serious claims – that Vance decided to emulate Vladmir Putin and dispatch one of the Trump administration’s most vocal critics, presumably choosing poison over the traditional Russian my-what-a-lovely-view-oops! option.
There was also debate among conservatives and even some liberals about whether Pope Francis snubbed the vice president in his final hours.
The ailing pope didn’t show up at a meeting between Vance and Vatican officials on Saturday. A papal surrogate went instead – and promptly resumed the pope’s criticism of Vance and the Trump administration for their decidedly un-Jesusy treatment of immigrants.
That’s hardly a snub. The big guy was obviously quite ill, as Vance well knew and acknowledged, so it’s hard to fault the Vatican for not rolling out the red carpet for the buffoon from abroad.
One would think all of that would have been forgiven once the world learned that Pope Francis had died.
But, no, Vatican officials hadn’t even finished putting that nifty wax seal across the holy man’s residence before American conservatives began whining about the “woke” pope and expressing hope the world is spared another lily-livered liberal riding around in an all-electric Popemobile that wasn’t even made by Tesla.
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who’s clearly had her doctor (or mechanic) remove her filter, posted a rather uncharitable message on X shortly after the pope died. Although some in the media describe the post as “cryptic,” it’s pretty clear who she had in mind.
"Today there were major shifts in global leaderships," she wrote. "Evil is being defeated by the hand of God."
In the unlikely event you want to strain to give MTG the benefit of the doubt, let’s remember she once said that bishops who help immigrants are “controlled by Satan.”
The resident priest at Fox News, Father Gerald Murray, mouthed some pleasantries about the pope’s life, then opined that cardinals picking the next pope need to ask themselves, “Do we want to continue in a basically, sad to say, woke direction in the Catholic Church, or do we want to return to an affirmation of the faith based on what the apostles handed down?”
Murray clearly wasn’t a fan of the dearly departed. “Pope Francis basically when he came in said, let’s make a mess,” he observed.
Gina Loudoun, who calls herself “Dr. Gina,” suggested on the Real America’s Voice network that the pope probably didn’t make it to heaven. She has a show on the wingnut network, as do such luminaries as Steve Bannon (likely Trump’s choice for the next pope), Ted Nugent and Charlie Kirk.
“I don't know that I am so sure about where the Pope is today. I don't know that holding a title necessarily ushers you into the arms of Jesus," Loudoun said, adding that Francis was too lenient on abortion and embraced left-wing causes.
Lobbying already has begun for the next pope, with conservatives vowing to find someone who’s not so wearyingly woke.
I’m not Catholic or conventionally religious, so I don’t really have a tall hat in this race, but I am fond of one progressive contender for the job – Cardinal Pierbattista Pizzaballa, who currently serves in Jerusalem.
I’ll readily confess, in or out of a booth, that my support for the fellow is based largely on my sophomoric delight in this last name, which I’d strongly suggest he keep if the Conclave picks him.
On a more serious note, the cardinal is also known for his attempts to broker peace between Israelis and non-Hamas Palestinians. We could use a lot more of that.
And I for one would relish a standoff between Pope Pizzaballa and our stable genius over the latter’s plan to transform Gaza into a Vegas-style resort. Something tells me a fight between the bully and the pulpit would be divine.