Trump: Enough about these dead people, let’s talk about me!

The president’s Memorial Day speech was just so stable and genius-y

Intro by Sam Bellamy

Our president began our nation’s annual tribute to its fallen service members at 6:28 a.m. with an all-caps message that was a little loud for the hour but certainly enthusiastic. “HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!” he typed on Truth Social.

At 7:22 a.m., presumably amped up with a diet Coke or two, he returned to his phone for a longer, more detailed homage to the men and women who sacrificed their lives for our country.

Well, sort of.

“HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

Later in the day, Trump traveled to nearby Arlington Cemetery. On one of his recent visits, in August, several members of his campaign staff got into a physical altercation with a cemetery employee trying to block them from videotaping campaign footage near graves in violation of cemetery rules.

On this visit, Trump went where he was supposed to and largely stuck to the remarks prepared for him, reading haltingly from a teleprompter. But as is his habit, he went off-script a few times to pay tribute to something larger than any one of us, something more important to the nation that any of us could imagine – Donald Trump.

Between the battles of Bunker Hill and Trenton, around the 48:20 mark, Trump notes that the republic is “doing so very well” under his leadership after “a long and hard four years, that was a long and hard four years we went through.” To stress the point, he shakes his head in disgust and waits for the applause.

At the 58:20 mark, Trump begins to ramble about the 250^th anniversary of the United States.

“We're gonna have a big, big celebration, as you know, 250 years. In some ways I'm glad I missed that second term where it was because I wouldn't be your president for that. Most important of all, in addition, we have the World Cup and we have the Olympics. Can you imagine? I missed that four years and now look what I have, I have everything. Amazing the way things work out. God did that, I believe that too. God did it. You know, I got the World Cup and I got the Olympics. The 250 years was not mine – I’d like to take credit for it – but I got the Olympics. I got the World Cup when I was president and I said, boy, it's too bad I won't be president then and look what happened. I – it turned out that we're gonna have a great time. We're gonna have a great celebration. But most important of all is the 250th anniversary that blows everything away, including the World Cup and including the Olympics, as far as I'm concerned. In any corner of the cemetery, at any resting place for our war dead, anywhere on earth, you'll find untold stories of equal hero – heroism and heartbreak, unmatched patriotism and devotion and acts of selflessness and courage.”

After his speech, Trump left the ceremony to golf. God, it appears, is his caddy.