UPDATE: Screw Meals on Wheels! Bring on the tanks!

Despite the high cost, Trump still wants the thrill of a military parade for his birthday

By Sam Bellamy

Maybe Kim Jong Un will have the weekend free?

Despite widespread criticism, our dotard in chief is forging ahead with designing a big, beautiful military parade in the streets of Washington D.C. on June 14, according to planning documents obtained by the Associated Press.

The parade would mark the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, but it also happens to fall on the birthday of Donald Trump’s favorite person in the whole, wide world — Donald Trump.

Trump has lusted after a military parade of his own since witnessing a Bastille Day extravaganza — with tanks and everything — in Paris in 2017.

As I recounted in the column below, he was furious when Pentagon and District of Columbia officials blocked his big dreams of replicating the spectacle here, partly because of the estimated cost — $97 million. That’s not counting the cost of repairing extensive damage that tanks would cause to city streets.

This year’s parade is not a done deal yet, but the AP said the Army’s detailed plans call for “more than 6,600 soldiers, at least 150 vehicles, 50 helicopters, seven bands and possibly a couple thousand civilians.”

The equipment would have to be brought into D.C. by train or flown in, the AP’s Lolita C. Baldor reports.

So far Trump hasn’t commented directly on the report by the AP, with whom he’s been warring over its decision not to use “Gulf of America” in stories mentioning the Gulf of Mexico.

But the president might have had the parade in mind late Thursday night when he posted on Truth Social yet more plans for a name change absolutely no one has requested.

Trump announced that henceforth we are to call Veterans Day “Victory Day for World War I” and V-E Day “Victory Day for World War II.”

Why the hell should we do that? He, um, explains.

"We won both wars, nobody was close to us in terms of strength, bravery or military brilliance, but we never celebrate anything," he wrote. "That's because we don't have leaders anymore, that know how to do so! So we are going to start celebrating our victories again!"

Oh.

We can all probably finish his “thought” from there: “You know what would be a great way to start celebrating our victories again? A big, beautiful Military Parade. For ME! On my Birthday!”

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The following column by Sam Bellamy, headlined “Donnie wants a parade for his birthday/Trump’s dream of a big, beautiful parade is back, just in time to celebrate his favorite person,” appeared April 10 at Fight the Fire.

June 14 sounds like it might turn out to be a lovely day for another massive protest against the Trump administration. It’s his birthday, and there have been reports this week that White House officials are exploring the possibility of a big parade through the streets of the nation’s capital to celebrate.

Tom Sherwood, a contributing writer at the Washington City Paper and a former reporter at The Washington Post and the NBC affiliate in D.C., broke a story Sunday that administration officials have been discussing plans with the city government for a four-mile-long parade from the Pentagon to the White House.

The parade would occur on Trump’s 79^th birthday. He’s magnanimously sharing the occasion with some of the people he once famously described as suckers and losers – the men and women of the U.S. Army, which celebrates its 250^th anniversary the same day.

And – icing on the cake – June 14 is also Flag Day. We all know how he likes to fondle a flag.

Officials in D.C. and adjacent Arlington County confirmed they’ve been contacted about a parade, but White House officials are denying any such thing is on the way, sending a terse note to Politico saying, “No military parade has been scheduled.”

An administration denial is, of course, confirmation. So, roll on, caissons! Praise the Lord and pass the protest signs!

You may recall that our stable genius wanted a big, beautiful parade in D.C. during his first term after he learned that funny-talking president of France had one. Trump was no doubt disappointed that someone, Stephen Miller maybe, hadn’t already thought of giving him one.

“I don’t know. We’re gonna have to try and top it,” Trump said of a Bastille Day celebration he attended with Emmanuel Macron in Paris in 2017.

But Trump didn’t get his parade during his first term, in part because Pentagon officials dragged their combat boots when it came to planning one.

Although there are good reasons military leaders have been lampooned in books like Catch-22 and TV shows like MASH, the top brass generally aren’t dim enough to play-act a wildly expensive military takeover of the nation’s capital. There are, for instance, plenty of overpriced screwdrivers to waste money on instead – and perhaps screwdrivers of an entirely different sort now that Pete Hegseth is in charge.

Trump was rather miffed that he was denied his parade the last time. He accused D.C. officials of price gouging – the city (and Pentagon) estimated the event would cost $92 million, although it’s unclear that would have covered the entire cost of repairing city streets that would be chewed up by tanks and other heavy military equipment.

“The local politicians who run Washington, D.C. (poorly) know a windfall when they see it,” Trump wrote at the time on pre-Elon Musk Twitter. “When asked to give us a price for holding a great celebratory military parade, they wanted a number so ridiculously high that I cancelled it. Never let someone hold you up!”

As before, people are rains tears of laughter on poor Donald’s parade idea.

D.C. Mayor Muriel Bower, whom Trump blasted for not cooperating with his brilliant vision last time, again points out that a big military parade would damage city streets. She told ABC News that the 14^th Street Bridge, a major entrance to the city, would have to be tested to see if it could handle the weight of tanks.

Others compare Trump’s idea unfavorably to military-themed May Day parades in Russia during the Soviet and post-Soviet eras, spectacles intended to remind the world of the country’s military power and considerable prowess at synchronized goose-stepping.

Republican Sen. John Kennedy of Louisiana, who’s always good for a great quote and not much else, pooh-poohed the idea of recreating such an event in the United States, saying “insecurity is loud.”

Trump could well be disappointed again this year.

As Sherwood reported, “Given just 10 weeks to prepare the parade, several local officials cautioned that a big Armed Forces demonstration takes lots of coordination among the six branches of the U.S. military, in addition to a variety of local and regional officials and federal agencies.

Heather Hagan, a U.S. Army spokeswoman, said Tuesday in a written statement that a parade was "pre-decisional." A big celebration of the Army’s birthday is planned for the National Mall, but a parade is not yet part of the commemoration.

You have to give the military credit for still having a “pre-decisional” stage, a refreshing contrast to a leader who relies on his prodigious gut for his deepest thinking – a gut that, in one manner or another, always seems to be yelling, “Tanks!”